


But You Know Better

by little_murmaider



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Bad attempts at asking someone out, M/M, Pining, Rampant destruction of handheld video game devices, Rejection, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-28 15:08:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10833762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_murmaider/pseuds/little_murmaider
Summary: Murderface takes a leap. Big mistake. Huge.





	But You Know Better

Murderface adjusted his tie for the fifth time. He’d gone with the half-windsor, which he  _ hated _ , thought it made his neck look fat. But it was the only knot he could tie himself. Like hell he would ask a servant, or worse,  _ Offdensen _ for help. They might ask questions. Well, the servant wouldn’t, if they valued their life.  Offdensen would. Always had to have his mechanical little digits all up in their business, that  _ robot _ . But not today. Today was  _ All Murderface _ . Today was going to be  _ one for the books. _   
  
Toki was in the courtyard, hunched at the picnic table and fiddling with a gaming device. He held the console close to his face, squinting with tunnel-vision intensity. Murderface checked his reflection once more in the window. Not bad. He futzed with the lapel of his blazer. It  _ still _ wouldn’t lay right, even after he had it steamed. He pressed his palm against it, held for a count of 10, then released. It curled back onto itself. Okay.  _ Fine _ . He didn’t want to seem like too much of a try-hard. Trying was for pussies. That’s why he hadn’t bothered with dress pants, instead keeping his usual shorts and boots. Shooting for a professional-casual kind of vibe. It worked, overall. He was pulling it off. 

He steeled himself as he strided into the yard. The sky was clear. The yard wolves nipped playfully at each other in the distance. Today was going to be a great day.

“Hey Toki,” Murderface said, leaning hard on the wooden tabletop. Very smooth. Barely expending any effort. Just a guy being cool. Toki did not look up from his game.

“ **_Hi_ ** .”   
  
“You buschy?”   
  
“Uh,  _ ja _ , kinds of! I beens tryings to beats dis parts all afternoons!”   
  
“Cool. Cool cool cool cool. Muscht be real tough.”   
  
Toki leaned backwards, his thumbs flying at a punishing pace. “Ams tryings………. to focus…...”

“You’re working real hard. You could usche a break.”

“Damns it, I dieds, stupid ass fuck mother of  **_SHITS--”_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** Tearing the game cartridge from its slot, Toki hurled the console to the ground. It landed face-down; the screen cracked with a gentle  _ sssk _ . The heel of Toki’s boot crushed it further, snapped the little thing in two. Toki raised his foot and brought it down again. And again. A deluge of expletives poured from Toki’s mouth as he pulverized the device, stomping over and over and over and  _ over _ , tiny bits of tech flying off in all directions.    
  
“--dicks bitch  _ fuck _ tits shits fuck  **SHITS** ands  _ hole _ ,” he finished, chest heaving. The lawn shimmered with fractured microchips.  He twisted his foot in the dust once for good measure. As if by magic, a klokateer materialized. Holding a black brush and dustpan, he bent to his knees and expertly swept away the shards of plastic and RAM Toki’s tantrum had wrought. Task completed, he produced a new, shiny console. He laid it on the table, bowed and vanished as quickly as he came. Toki slumped back into his seat. Snatching the new device, he plugged in his game and resumed playing. 

Murderface cleared his throat. Not how he’d planned this going, but he could rally.   
  
“Scho, cshircling back to me. Toki. Bro. Buddy. My guy. I wasch thinking. You and I schould get food. Together.” 

Toki cocked his head, eyes glued to the screen. “What, like nows?”

Murderface’s stomach flooded with nerves. “I wasch thinking maybe later, maybe thisch weekend, but...yeah! Yeah, why not! Now worksch. Let’sch do it, let’sch go now.”

Toki shrugged. “Okays, I coulds eat. Jean Pierre makes de best grilled cheeses. You wants to text him and says we’s on our ways, or--”

“No!” Murderface interjected. “I didn't mean get food _ here _ . We can do that  _ whenever _ . I meant we get food  _ together _ , at a schecond locashun.”

“Why woulds we does dat? We gots all de foods we could wants right  _ heres _ .”

“We  _ alwaysch _ eat here!”

“Because dat's where our foods ams!”

“I don't  _ want _ to do the thing we alwaysch do!” He crossed his arms but, feeling that was not projecting the right aura, dropped them to his side. “I want to do schomething  _ different _ . Schomething  _ nicshe _ . Ish that schuch a crime? Doing schomething nicshe, for  _ oncshe _ ?”

“Alrights, Jesus,  _ fines _ we'll goes out!” Toki cried, still not prying his gaze from his game. Murderface would take it. This was going  _ way _ better than anticipated. “Ams we meetings de guys out fronts?”   
  
Maybe not quite as good as anticipated.

“ **_No!_ ** ” Murderface said, stomping his foot. “No other guysch! Juscht you, and me, and food, in another placshe, together! That’sch it!”   
  
“Why wouldn’ts you invites de other guys? Ams dis a Planet Piss meetings?”   
  
“ _ No _ , and you’re not  _ in _ Planet Pissch, I don’t know why I have to keep telling you that.”

“So what’s de points? Why comes you only wants to be’s arounds me? Why comes you ams so--” he stopped abruptly, breath catching in his throat. His movements ceased. “ **_Oh._ ** ”   
  
Murderface recognized that tone, knew it would not end well for him. He doubled down anyway. He had always been a terrible gambler. 

“I got a couple of reschevashunsh out, no big deal, didn’t put me out too much. But I’m flexible. If you’ve got schome schuggeshuns I’m open. I’m a little schort on casch at the moment, scho if you wouldn’t mind schpotting me I can get you back later…”

“Moidaface…” Toki’s eyes were wide. He kept opening his mouth and closing it. He set his game aside, the cheerful 8-bit soundtrack plinking ominously. “I’m. I’m  _ wifs _ Skwisgaar.”

Murderface’s heart dropped from his ribcage. It tumbled through his stomach, his guts, his bowels, out of his body and into the ground and plunging still, freefalling past layers of rock and oil and dinosaur bones until it reached the Earth’s molten core, where it immolated and died, forever. 

“ _ What _ .”

“Ja. He and I, we ams…” He looked expectantly at his hands, as though they could jump in with an assist. Face twisting with disatisfaction, he held both up before him, moving them toward each other until his fingers overlapped, locking in a tight, unbreakable knot.   
  
“ _ What _ .” He sputtered. Words flew from his mouth before getting clearance from his brain. “What. No. What. How long? Don’t tell me. Isch is scheriousch? Schut up, I don’t care. Do you love him?  _ Why are you pusching your dumb gay relashunschip in my fache? _ ”   
  
Toki’s lips were stretched taut, all his teeth visible. He scanned Murderface, sweating. “I don’ts know whats you wants from mes,” he whispered.   
  
“Why didn’t you  _ tell me _ ?!”

“I thoughts you knews!”   
  
“ _ How _ ?! How would I  _ posschibly _ know that?!”   
  
A highlight reel of greatest hits spun through Murderface’s brain. Skwisgaar and Toki murmuring and giggling at the dinner table. Skwisgaar and Toki sitting closer than required in the green room before a show. Skwisgaar and Toki holding hands as Toki shouted, “I’m goings out nows! Wif my boyfriends! Skwisgaar! Who I ams datings and also fuckings!”   
  
Murderface sniffed. “You have been  _ very _ dischcrete.”

“Williams,” Toki said, his voice low. He was clearly trying to imbue it with some kind of  _ meaning _ , the stupid asshole. He placed his hand on Murderface’s wrist. He may as well driven a knife through it. “You ams a very greats friends of mines.”   
  
Murderface ripped his arm away, stumbling backwards. His laugh clunked out of him, high and inauthentic.   
  
“What, did you think...? That I wasch trying…? I wasch, I juscht wanted schome food! Thought we could hang out, asch two dudes! Two heteroschexual dudes! I’m not gay!  _ You’re _ the one who made it gay! Scho fuck you! Not literally! I’m not into that!”   
  
He whipped around and moved as quick as possible without seeming like he was fleeing. Toki called out for him, but the sound was grounded. He knew he wasn’t being followed.    
  
“Moidaface, we gots to  _ talks _ about dis!”   
  
“No we don’t! Schee you around!”

He loosened his tie as he reentered Mordhaus. Fuck. Fuck shit fuck. What a fool to imagine Toki felt the same. As if he hadn’t suffered enough, who should appear at that exact moment but  _ Skwisgaar, of course _ . Like he was so great, with his long golden locks and his cheekbones that could cut glass and his plush full lips and his ass that wouldn’t quit, if you were into that sort of thing. Which he wasn’t!   
  
Skwisgaar nodded as he passed. “Hullo, Moidaface.”   
  
“Eat a bag of dicksh, Schkwishgaar.”

Skwisgaar glanced over his shoulder. “I don’ts t’ink dat aggression was warranted.”   
  
“Fuck off and die.”   
  
“Pfts. Whatevers.”   
  
He continued into the yard, and Murderface paused. If his ill-fated grab for affection resulted in a fight, perhaps the day wouldn’t be a complete waste. He skulked stealth-like to the window, swarthing himself in the dark, floor-length curtains. He watched as Skwisgaar glided toward Toki, watched Toki light up as he approached. He turned off the game and shoved the console aside when Skwisgaar sat beside him. Their faces were close. Toki’s hand slid up along Skwisgaar’s arm until it curved around his neck. Toki’s smile was wide, and Skwisgaar’s shoulders shook with laughter. The sludge of self-loathing spread thick through Murderface’s veins. They were laughing at him. Or, more likely, they were not talking about him at all.   
  
He’d seen enough. He shucked the tie and the blazer, left them abandoned in his wake. Someone would clean up after him. Someone cared enough to do that. 


End file.
